What is a successful parent?

There is a song that frequents my favorite Pandora channel which has lyrics that always jump out at me, ”As the years go by and You look back on all I’ve done let me be found faithful…” In my two and a half years of parenting this idea of faithfulness vs success has become my motto. Jumping into parenting a 5 year old (now 7) with no prior experience has been the biggest blessing and the greatest challenge I had ever experienced. It has forced me to be very intentional as about parenting.

Becoming a first time parent through adoption gives you the unique opportunity to learn some things about parenting in required classes. While taking some additional trainings for people parenting kids from hard places, I had the opportunity to read a general parenting book I wish every mom could read. Parenting is Your Highest Call and 8 Other Myths That Trap Us in Worry and Guilt showed me that I didn’t have to be so hard on myself. As moms, I think we beat ourselves up too much. When our child does something good we feel good about ourselves, when our child makes a poor decision we are disappointed- sometimes not just in them.

What happens when we see parents who have adult children (or children 10 years ahead of ours) who are making all the right choices in life? We look at those parents and say, “Now that is a successful parent!” We ask to meet them for coffee and we write down every little thing that they did as parents so we too can be “successful parents with successful children.” 

But what about that parent who does all they can to train their child ‘in the way they should go’ and they still make poor decisions. Or what if their child continually struggles or acts out? Are they not a successful parent? Not always...

We all love our kids so much and want the best for them, but are we being too hard on ourselves as parents? I am realizing that I am not called to be a successful parent. I am called to be a faithful parent. Am I faithful in teaching my daughter, and future kids, what they need to know? Did I pray for, disciple, hug, play, correct as I am called to do? If I can stand at the end of my life and say those things, then I have parented 'successfully.' It doesn’t matter what decisions my child makes, it does not define who I am as parent. At that to me is so freeing...a sweet surrender.