Last week, we said goodbye. Goodbye to our condo. Goodbye to the place where we met. Goodbye to the place where we fell in love. Goodbye to the place we first brought our little girl home and figured out how to be a family of three. Goodbye to the place where we had friends over to share laughs and food and drink. Goodbye to home.
As far as goodbyes go, it was a pretty smooth, easy one. We had been trying to sell the condo for two years and, after all that time, had begun to feel as if our lives were on hold. There were so many things we were planning to do...once we got a house. As our to-do list grew, our patience waned. Depending on other people to swoop in and save the day was not at all a comfortable position for us to be in, so we were incredibly relieved to close on the condo just last Friday. Our very own independence day celebration consisted of putting Sofia to bed early and indulging in champagne. It was glorious.
Along with all of our belongings (box after box of things now stacked to the ceiling in our storage unit), we brought with us our memories of the place that was our home. We also brought with us an incredible amount of hopefulness and excitement for our future. Visions of new appliances and freshly planted gardens regularly dance through our heads. We eagerly welcome the challenge of making our new house a home, bit by bit, wallpaper panel by wallpaper panel. It will be a true labor of love.
The "we" I keep referring to here is me and Chris. The two of us understand completely the undertaking of moving our storing our stuff, temporarily staying with his parents, moving our stuff again, unpacking it all, and beginning to live in our forever home. Sofia, however, does not. On our first night at Grandmom and Grandpa's house, she wailed at bedtime, "I want to go home to my house." And just this morning she requested that I bring her home to West Deptford so that she could play with her toys. I reminded her that last week she walked through the empty condo and saw that all of her toys were gone. She seemed to understand what I was saying, but I expect there will be another request soon to return to the place that is no longer ours.
Instead of focusing on having Sofia say goodbye, we have been trying to excite her about saying hello to all of the new opportunities she'll have. When we tuck her in at night, we tell her to have sweet dreams about riding her tricycle around our driveway, running around in our fenced-in backyard, playing in her big girl room, swimming in her pool, catching fireflies at night. We promise to take walks to Nana and Pop's house and the library in the wagon rather than driving in the car. We rattle off all of the creatures she'll be able to see wander through our big, nature-filled yard. We predict that she'll make great friends with Patches, the stray cat who patrols the property. We guarantee that she will eventually become a wonderful big sister who will share everything she knows with her little brother or sister.
More than anything, we want Sofia to share in our joy at the childhood she'll have there, one that we hope will resemble our own. We want her to feel safe and loved and happy in her new home. At least for now, Sofia isn't concerned about any of those things, though; she would settle for having all of her toys in one place again and taking inventory. I suppose we should be relieved that her biggest worry is their whereabouts rather than anything more existential about being uprooted. We might even go so far as to consider that a small parental victory! Now if only she'd use the potty...
Monday, July 27, 2015
Tuesday, July 14, 2015
A Remedy for Parched Mamas: Parenting in the Desert
While writing the July post I could give some practical or
witty advice and it might be helpful, but in all honesty I am pretty spent. A
tired, worn out mama whose soul is learning how to seek refreshment. Any other
mamas out there feel me?
Some seasons as a mom are so dry, no visible fruit,
sometimes accompanying metaphorical barrenness (or for me physical barrenness- as
I write this I prep for a D&C tomorrow for my 3rd miscarriage). You
have nothing left to give. So what do we do? Do we push through it and accept
it. Maybe. Or do we look to what we can change and accept what we cannot?
Today my foster daughter came in my room, as she was
reorganizing her things, and showed me the necklace her bio grandmother gave her
several years ago. On the back was the famous Serenity Prayer:
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot
change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.”
I think that this should be every mom’s anthem…I cannot
change I had a miscarriage again, or that in just a handful of months I will
loose another child because I am foster parent who is trying to help another
family reunite. Maybe you are having to
realize you cannot change that your kid is in their terrible twos.
I am learning how to gain the courage to be vulnerable because when we
open up as women, as mothers, to share we are struggling, it is healing. When we
share with a friend we are not enjoying a certain part of parenthood like we thought we would
or should, or that we are depressed, it gives freedom in our hearts. That
freedom makes small changes in those deep places.
When we voice that we need a break, mommy time, a night out,
a day trip- heck a weekend away, we are saying we value our souls. We say that
investing in it can change some crankiness or fatigue. Maybe it’s just me, but this is what I am learning. I have
to be honest with myself and family about where I am at. I need to give myself grace and
ask for grace.
What are some things you do as moms and women that refresh
your soul?
“Those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed.”
Proverbs 11:25
Wednesday, July 8, 2015
A Daddy's Role
Everyday I can see a reason to be thankful that my husband is a pretty awesome father. This last weekend was another reminder to me just how lucky Jase and I are to have a pretty amazing man in our lives.
We went to visit family in Fresno over the Holiday weekend and for once when we went to Fresno we didn't have a million things to do. On Friday, my husband's family wanted to go out on the lake, but with me being pregnant and a busy lake weekend I thought it was best to stay home, this meant daddy got to take Jase to have some fun without mommy. I love that he likes to take Jase, and though I'm sad I missed the fun, he came back with lots of pictures of Jase having a great time and thats all that matters. Beyond going to the lake we set off some fire works on Saturday and once again, my husband was all about making sure Jase was having fun. There are definitely certain times that mommy just isn't the fun one and I'm OK with that.
The relationship my husband has with Jase is almost two in half years in the making. When Jase was born he got a lot of "daddy" time when my husband would get off work and on the weekends; that has continued and evolved over the last two years. I knew before we had kids that I wanted a husband who would be active in our children lives. I grew up with a dad that I loved to be around and I wanted that for my kids.
How, we as a family, were going to make sure our kids were't super attached to me since I'd be staying home with them was something we had to figure out, especially in the beginning when they need mom a lot, but that early bonding is so important for both parents. I can't really say we "did" anything specific along the way, but here's something I think helped Jase bond with his dad, even tough he spends most of his hours with me.
1. Newborn snuggles & Toddler plas: Pretty much everyday I handed Jase off to my husband when he got home. A good reason was so I could make dinner or just eat myself with two hands. As Jase got older this turned into play time or relax time between the two of them. Today when daddy gets home, I'm dropped, usually, like a hot potato! I absolutely love seeing Jase run to his daddy and give him a hug and then proceed to follow him wherever he goes.
2. Bath time: in the very beginning we both did bath time, I mean who doesn't like to see a squishing baby in a tub?! As Jase got older, like around the time he was in a big bath and playing, my husband took over bath time on his own and would do the night time routine with Jase which included putting him to bed. At this time Jase was still waking at night, so we would both be on duty for that depending on the day and circumstances.
3. Dad and baby time outside of the house: This was easier for us in the begging as Jase was using bottles so I didn't have to be around all the time. Scott could take Jase on an errand early on and have that one on one time without me. If you're nursing mom can still leave the house for 2 hours and baby and daddy will be fine!
Mainly, I think Jase spending time with his dad and having that physical contact was a huge part of building their relationship. I will not even pretend to be an expert as Jase is our first child and with another due in October we will go through this all again and I know the outcome can be different, though I hope our little girls has a special relationship with her dad as well. Those three things, I think, are the ones that were most consistent and that I think helped a lot to build that bond.
<3 Lindsey
We went to visit family in Fresno over the Holiday weekend and for once when we went to Fresno we didn't have a million things to do. On Friday, my husband's family wanted to go out on the lake, but with me being pregnant and a busy lake weekend I thought it was best to stay home, this meant daddy got to take Jase to have some fun without mommy. I love that he likes to take Jase, and though I'm sad I missed the fun, he came back with lots of pictures of Jase having a great time and thats all that matters. Beyond going to the lake we set off some fire works on Saturday and once again, my husband was all about making sure Jase was having fun. There are definitely certain times that mommy just isn't the fun one and I'm OK with that.
The relationship my husband has with Jase is almost two in half years in the making. When Jase was born he got a lot of "daddy" time when my husband would get off work and on the weekends; that has continued and evolved over the last two years. I knew before we had kids that I wanted a husband who would be active in our children lives. I grew up with a dad that I loved to be around and I wanted that for my kids.
How, we as a family, were going to make sure our kids were't super attached to me since I'd be staying home with them was something we had to figure out, especially in the beginning when they need mom a lot, but that early bonding is so important for both parents. I can't really say we "did" anything specific along the way, but here's something I think helped Jase bond with his dad, even tough he spends most of his hours with me.
1. Newborn snuggles & Toddler plas: Pretty much everyday I handed Jase off to my husband when he got home. A good reason was so I could make dinner or just eat myself with two hands. As Jase got older this turned into play time or relax time between the two of them. Today when daddy gets home, I'm dropped, usually, like a hot potato! I absolutely love seeing Jase run to his daddy and give him a hug and then proceed to follow him wherever he goes.
2. Bath time: in the very beginning we both did bath time, I mean who doesn't like to see a squishing baby in a tub?! As Jase got older, like around the time he was in a big bath and playing, my husband took over bath time on his own and would do the night time routine with Jase which included putting him to bed. At this time Jase was still waking at night, so we would both be on duty for that depending on the day and circumstances.
3. Dad and baby time outside of the house: This was easier for us in the begging as Jase was using bottles so I didn't have to be around all the time. Scott could take Jase on an errand early on and have that one on one time without me. If you're nursing mom can still leave the house for 2 hours and baby and daddy will be fine!
Mainly, I think Jase spending time with his dad and having that physical contact was a huge part of building their relationship. I will not even pretend to be an expert as Jase is our first child and with another due in October we will go through this all again and I know the outcome can be different, though I hope our little girls has a special relationship with her dad as well. Those three things, I think, are the ones that were most consistent and that I think helped a lot to build that bond.
<3 Lindsey
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