My April was a mom's greatest blessing and worst nightmare. It's not common to say those 2 things together, but that is truly what it was.
We started the first day of the month welcoming a 10 year old girl from foster care into our home. The conversation to become straight foster parents was something we thought we had put on the shelf until Angel (our daughter we adopted) was older and we had more parenting experience under our belt. This was thrown back on the table when we got a call about a 10 year girl we know in foster care who needed a family to live out her days in the system.
We immediately knew we were suppose to pursue placement of her, since she already knew us and needed a safe place to live. Transitioning a new sibling into the home is ALWAYS a challenge. Even biological kids struggle, but the dynamics going into 2 broken & needy kids coming together is so beautiful and yet so tragic. Little did I know we would soon find out God's plan is that we would be broken together...
On top all of that in the first week of April I was late...you know the infamous, "Hmm...I'm feeling weird maybe I should take a pregnancy test." At first, I didn't think anything of it. I have had infertility issues the past 1.5 years and we had just closed the door on any further treatments for it shortly before the call for out foster daughter .But to my surprise at 2am, after having to get up to go pee 3 times, I tested positive on a pregnancy test. I freaked out, flicked on the lights & gleefully bounced on my sleeping husband while throwing the pee-stick in his face.
Our joy was short lived (5 days to be exact) when we got news of low HCG levels & then an all too familiar feeling late in the night/early in the morning.
The month we stop getting treatments we get pregnant on our own and don't realize it, become foster parents and then...get this...get a plague of lice for weeks. I mean the day after I miscarry?!?
Surely this is not what I signed up for as a mom. I couldn't believe it!
Sometimes being a mom can be overwhelming. There are days, months or years you just want to hide under the covers & never come out. Recently I read this book called Bittersweet. The author Shauna Niequest gives us some thought provoking advice in life. I think mom's can especially take a hold of this.
"Every wave presents us with a choice to make, and quite often, I have stood both resolute & terrified, staring down a wave. I have been smacked straight on with the force of the water, tumbled, disoriented, gasping for breath...spit onto the shore...refusing to float on the surface & surrender to the 'sea.' More awareness of God's presence & action & ability less strangle hold on my fear & anxiety. More floating, and less getting tumbled." (Bittersweet)
It's a life long learning process but I'm realizing I must learn this...it's the only way I will survive these types of seasons. Parenting is much more than raising kids, it's also about refining us too.
Here's to a new month of choosing to surrender...
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