Pre-School

Well, the other week I finally decided I need to figure out what I need to figure out for Jase and pre school. I learned from a friends that it could take a year to even get in somewhere. I won't lie, I had a mini freak out. I feel like everything is so rushed now a days for learning and placing your kids somewhere and then once you do, is that the right place to be. Ahh, it's all a little scary, I mean Jase is only TWO!!

Originally I thought having Jase go somewhere two days a week once baby girl was here would be a nice break for both of us and a pre school type place I thought would be better then a daycare, as I'm his daycare at home and really would it be much different, except for the fact that we'd be paying someone else to watch him. Probably not! Well, this year, it looks like pre school will be a no go, but we have Jase on a waitlist for when he's three. Sigh of relief there, but now what am I going to do with a two year old to challenge his brain a bit when attending to a newborn?

Thankfully I have a friend who has sent me links of helpful tools as well as showed me great hands on items to use with Jase that I plan to do, but I can still use all the help I can get with creative fun ideas! What are you favorite pre-school aged games/learning activities? Preferable some indoor activities as well as outdoor.

<3 Lindsey

Saying Goodbye

Last week, we said goodbye.  Goodbye to our condo.  Goodbye to the place where we met.  Goodbye to the place where we fell in love.  Goodbye to the place we first brought our little girl home and figured out how to be a family of three.  Goodbye to the place where we had friends over to share laughs and food and drink.  Goodbye to home.

As far as goodbyes go, it was a pretty smooth, easy one.  We had been trying to sell the condo for two years and, after all that time, had begun to feel as if our lives were on hold.  There were so many things we were planning to do...once we got a house.  As our to-do list grew, our patience waned.  Depending on other people to swoop in and save the day was not at all a comfortable position for us to be in, so we were incredibly relieved to close on the condo just last Friday.  Our very own independence day celebration consisted of putting Sofia to bed early and indulging in champagne.  It was glorious.

Along with all of our belongings (box after box of things now stacked to the ceiling in our storage unit), we brought with us our memories of the place that was our home.  We also brought with us an incredible amount of hopefulness and excitement for our future.  Visions of new appliances and freshly planted gardens regularly dance through our heads.  We eagerly welcome the challenge of making our new house a home, bit by bit, wallpaper panel by wallpaper panel.  It will be a true labor of love.

The "we" I keep referring to here is me and Chris.  The two of us understand completely the undertaking of moving our storing our stuff, temporarily staying with his parents, moving our stuff again, unpacking it all, and beginning to live in our forever home.  Sofia, however, does not.  On our first night at Grandmom and Grandpa's house, she wailed at bedtime, "I want to go home to my house."  And just this morning she requested that I bring her home to West Deptford so that she could play with her toys.  I reminded her that last week she walked through the empty condo and saw that all of her toys were gone.  She seemed to understand what I was saying, but I expect there will be another request soon to return to the place that is no longer ours. 

Instead of focusing on having Sofia say goodbye, we have been trying to excite her about saying hello to all of the new opportunities she'll have.  When we tuck her in at night, we tell her to have sweet dreams about riding her tricycle around our driveway, running around in our fenced-in backyard, playing in her big girl room, swimming in her pool, catching fireflies at night.  We promise to take walks to Nana and Pop's house and the library in the wagon rather than driving in the car.  We rattle off all of the creatures she'll be able to see wander through our big, nature-filled yard.  We predict that she'll make great friends with Patches, the stray cat who patrols the property.  We guarantee that she will eventually become a wonderful big sister who will share everything she knows with her little brother or sister.

More than anything, we want Sofia to share in our joy at the childhood she'll have there, one that we hope will resemble our own.  We want her to feel safe and loved and happy in her new home.  At least for now, Sofia isn't concerned about any of those things, though; she would settle for having all of her toys in one place again and taking inventory.  I suppose we should be relieved that her biggest worry is their whereabouts rather than anything more existential about being uprooted.  We might even go so far as to consider that a small parental victory!  Now if only she'd use the potty...

A Remedy for Parched Mamas: Parenting in the Desert

While writing the July post I could give some practical or witty advice and it might be helpful, but in all honesty I am pretty spent. A tired, worn out mama whose soul is learning how to seek refreshment. Any other mamas out there feel me?

Some seasons as a mom are so dry, no visible fruit, sometimes accompanying metaphorical barrenness (or for me physical barrenness- as I write this I prep for a D&C tomorrow for my 3^rd miscarriage). You have nothing left to give. So what do we do? Do we push through it and accept it. Maybe. Or do we look to what we can change and accept what we cannot?  

Today my foster daughter came in my room, as she was reorganizing her things, and showed me the necklace her bio grandmother gave her several years ago. On the back was the famous Serenity Prayer:

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.”

I think that this should be every mom’s anthem…I cannot change I had a miscarriage again, or that in just a handful of months I will loose another child because I am foster parent who is trying to help another family reunite. Maybe you are having to realize you cannot change that your kid is in their terrible twos.

I am learning how to gain the courage to be vulnerable because when we open up as women, as mothers, to share we are struggling, it is healing. When we share with a friend we are not enjoying a certain part of parenthood like we thought we would or should, or that we are depressed, it gives freedom in our hearts. That freedom makes small changes in those deep places.

When we voice that we need a break, mommy time, a night out, a day trip- heck a weekend away, we are saying we value our souls. We say that investing in it can change some crankiness or fatigue. Maybe it’s just me, but this is what I am learning. I have to be honest with myself and family about where I am at. I need to give myself grace and ask for grace.

What are some things you do as moms and women that refresh your soul?

“Those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed.” Proverbs 11:25

A Daddy's Role

Everyday I can see a reason to be thankful that my husband is a pretty awesome father. This last weekend was another reminder to me just how lucky Jase and I are to have a pretty amazing man in our lives.

We went to visit family in Fresno over the Holiday weekend and for once when we went to Fresno we didn't have a million things to do. On Friday, my husband's family wanted to go out on the lake, but with me being pregnant and a busy lake weekend I thought it was best to stay home, this meant daddy got to take Jase to have some fun without mommy. I love that he likes to take Jase, and though I'm sad I missed the fun, he came back with lots of pictures of Jase having a great time and thats all that matters. Beyond going to the lake we set off some fire works on Saturday and once again, my husband was all about making sure Jase was having fun. There are definitely certain times that mommy just isn't the fun one and I'm OK with that.

The relationship my husband has with Jase is almost two in half years in the making. When Jase was born he got a lot of "daddy" time when my husband would get off work and on the weekends; that has continued and evolved over the last two years. I knew before we had kids that I wanted a husband who would be active in our children lives. I grew up with a dad that I loved to be around and I wanted that for my kids.

How, we as a family, were going to make sure our kids were't super attached to me since I'd be staying home with them was something we had to figure out, especially in the beginning when they need mom a lot, but that early bonding is so important for both parents. I can't really say we "did" anything specific along the way, but here's something I think helped Jase bond with his dad, even tough he spends most of his hours with me.

1. Newborn snuggles & Toddler plas: Pretty much everyday I handed Jase off to my husband when he got home. A good reason was so I could make dinner or just eat myself with two hands. As Jase got older this turned into play time or relax time between the two of them. Today when daddy gets home, I'm dropped, usually, like a hot potato! I absolutely love seeing Jase run to his daddy and give him a hug and then proceed to follow him wherever he goes.

2. Bath time: in the very beginning we both did bath time, I mean who doesn't like to see a squishing baby in a tub?! As Jase got older, like around the time he was in a big bath and playing, my husband took over bath time on his own and would do the night time routine with Jase which included putting him to bed. At this time Jase was still waking at night, so we would both be on duty for that depending on the day and circumstances.

3. Dad and baby time outside of the house: This was easier for us in the begging as Jase was using bottles so I didn't have to be around all the time. Scott could take Jase on an errand early on and have that one on one time without me. If you're nursing mom can still leave the house for 2 hours and baby and daddy will be fine!

Mainly, I think Jase spending time with his dad and having that physical contact was a huge part of building their relationship. I will not even pretend to be an expert as Jase is our first child and with another due in October we will go through this all again and I know the outcome can be different, though I hope our little girls has a special relationship with her dad as well. Those three things, I think, are the ones that were most consistent and that I think helped a lot to build that bond.

<3 Lindsey

Just keep going.

I am a runner. I love to run  (most days)
if you are not please hold on and keep reading, it is not a blog about how to run. 

When I hit the road its usually early morning , before my husband leaves for work and while the kids are still asleep. Its my alone time, my deep thinking, clearing my mind, pep talks for myself time. I get to usually watch the sun come up, I see NO ONE and its perfect.

I am in the middle of Marathon training right now, this coming Saturday I am running longer then I have ever ran, its intimidating and scary, and challenging to just think about, let alone go out and do. I struggle with the mental battle of "can I really run that far?" and some days its a physical challenge, my legs are tired, my knee is sore, I am loosing my toenail, I have blisters on my heels from my socks rubbing for 13 miles, I have chaffing under my arms.... its not a pretty sight.

But I view running a lot like life.

Some days I am exhausted. Its hard to even get out of bed let alone put my running shoes on and take that first step out the door. 
-Life can be exhausting , it can make you so burnt out you cant even open your eyes until you have had your coffee. So tired that you feel like you are numb and don't remember actually working or playing with your kids that day. But you just got to keep going.

Its messy, some roads are dirty and there is trash and dead things along the road, I have to side step and run around those things to keep going. And sometimes its absolutely disgusting , I have to hold my breath and just run as fast as I can to get away from the smell. 
-Life is that way too, sometimes its messy . Its not perfect, it can be challenging and you have to detour just to make it. you have to side step the trash the mess around you,  But you just keep going.

Road blocks...both physical and mental happen out there during a run. Flooded roads, or fallen trees, or mental aspects of just thinking I can not take one more step , I might pass out. 
-road blocks happen in life, we know that, sometimes those roadblocks change our life, sometimes they consume all of us all of our energy, they make us into people we didn't even know we could be both good and bad. 
but we just keep going. we don't give up. 

A bad run.. I have to remind myself that even the BEST runners (which I am not) have bad and hard runs. they happen. And all I can do is try again tomorrow. Give it my all and know that I am human. 
-We have bad days in life, we have crummy stinky attitudes, we have jealousy and anger and sorrow. Some days suck. lets be real with each other sometimes you just want to start the day over. Some times we just want the next season of our life to happen. But we just have to keep moving forward. 

We don't give , we keep going. Whatever we face we become stronger, we become braver, we become warriors. Life is messy, beautiful but messy. Whatever you are facing today, whether mental, or physical , roadblocks, life let downs, sorrow, grief, joy, a hard day, a good day....just keep going. you don't think you are , but you are doing a great job.

Someone once told me, "if you think you are a bad ... wife or mother or friend or whatever it is , you're not . Because you care enough to ponder and want to be better at it." 

Its hard to not be hard on our self when we face challenges or situations BUT its how we learn and grow from them that make us who we are. So like runners, lets just keep moving, lets just keep running. One step at a time. 


Happy Monday Friends.

Nicole

Mission: Find a Yard

When we were discharged from the hospital just a day and a half after Sofia's birth, like all new parents, we cautiously packed her tiny frame into her car seat, arranging her and rearranging her.  While Daddy drove the car, Mommy sat in the back next to the baby, certain that her newly honed mothering skills would be needed during that 25 minute drive (for the record, they weren't).  When we arrived at our destination and the car was parked, we made the trek, the long, oh-so-public trek up the wind tunnel that passes for a sidewalk to our condo building, past unit after unit of other families who had done the very same thing at some point.  We made our ascent up the flight of stairs, which suddenly seemed so mountainous now that we were holding such precious cargo.  We reached our landing, shared with our neighbors from three other units, punched in our key code, opened the door, and stepped in.  We were home.

Our condo has served us well.  It houses Sofia's toys, clothes, and books, all of which seem to multiply nightly while we sleep.  It contains our wild beast of a house cat, Rufus.  It gives us a place to relax, rewind, reset.  It has been our home.   

Within a couple of months of bringing Sofia home, we put our home up for sale.  Our goal was to move into a single family home.  A place with our own driveway, fewer immediate neighbors, and a yard.  A yard filled with trees.  A yard to plant flowers and vegetables.  A yard for squirrels, chipmunks, and bunnies to frolick (species which are exotic around our condo thanks to the lack of large trees).  A yard for Chris to mow and rake, shovel and blow.  A yard for barbecues and parties.   Most importantly, a yard for Sofia to run and play and scamper.  A yard for her to have the kind of childhood Chris and I both had, one filled with the simple pleasures of swinging in the sunshine, riding bikes up and down the driveway, catching fireflies.  A yard.

Of course, we were quite hopeful at first that our condo would sell by that fall and that we would share our first Christmas as a family of three in our new home.  Summer, fall, and winter passed.  Spring came, and we were still in the condo.  This time, we were cautiously optimistic that our condo would sell by the fall and that we would get to have our second Christmas as a family of three in our new home.  Again, the seasons passed, and still we found ourselves in our condo.  By this time, Sofia was running and jumping and yearning to be outside.  So, outside we would go, walking to two little playgrounds within our complex or drawing with chalk out on the shared sidewalk.  All the while, we were dodging piles of dog poop ignored by their owners, side-stepping sticky puddles of unidentifiable liquid spilled by other children, and picking up and disposing of lots of trash - Sofia just couldn't help but to pick up bottle caps, wrappers of all colors and sizes, broken toys, abandoned snacks, and the like.  It was as if the trash beckoned to her.

After nearly two years on the market, the pressure of keeping the house tidy at all times, the seemingly endless parade of prospective buyers coming through to assess the condo, FINALLY, we received an offer, and we gladly accepted.  We were free to hunt for houses!  We looked high and low, near and far.  We drove around to scope out different neighborhoods and to size up potential neighbors.  We examined tax records and school districts.  We studied listings and photos posted online of home after home, certain that the right one was somewhere out there.  For reasons too numerable to list, each one fell short of exactly what we were looking for.  Until today.

Today, we saw a quaint, tidy house, the exterior reminiscent of a gingerbread house.  Inside, it had two full bathrooms, beautiful hardwood floors, three bedrooms, and a space to be used as a playroom.  It had lots of floral, grandmotherly wallpaper and dark pink bath tubs and toilets.  It had a smallish kitchen with decades old range and dishwasher.  It also had a yard.  A glorious, lush, green yard with lots of trees and flowers, a small pool, a sturdy white fence around a good portion of the back yard, a beautiful deck, a treehouse, a detached two car, heated garage.  A small toad crossed our path as we wandered around and reminded us that a creek was just a short ways down the road, so likely much more wildlife regularly traverses the yard.  The birds were chirping and the breeze was blowing.  We envisioned our vegetable garden off past the pool.  We staked out a spot for a swingset.  We could see Sofia learning to ride her bike in the driveway.  We knew we were home.

Summer Time Fun

Hello Mommas and Happy Monday!

If you live on the West coast you've probably realized that Summer has come, according to the heat this weekend and our local schools being out! As an adult with a child not yet in school there isn't much difference, really, besides the weather change to signal summer for us, so this weekend was a perfect transition for us!

After my husband was gone last weekend I was ready to have some fun with Jase outside as a family and with the heat I thought water involved with play would be a great idea. A couple weeks ago I saw a Instagram friend post a video of her child sliding down his slide into a pool. Amazing idea, I had to try it with Jase! We have a slide and we had a pool so all we needed was the hose!

I started to blow up the pool while my husband was cleaning the yard up and realized Jases' pool from last year had a hole, so off to Target Jase and I went. We upgraded to a larger pool, which really worked well for his age now and it only cost us $13, so I call that a win! Hubby blew up the pool and I got Jase ready to play. It turned out to be so much fun and Jase must have went down the slide about 50 times! Totally a GREAT idea!

I love summer time!!! Below are some pictures from the fun!

I'd love to hear what you do for fun in the summer time! Any traditions?

<3 Lindsey

The D word...

For as long as I can remember I wanted to be a mom, lots of babies, big family, drive a mini van, pass down the clothes, need a big table...FAMILY. 

When we got pregnant with our first, Reagan, I felt like my dreams were coming true, I mean minus the constant "morning sickness" the heart burn the general horrible feelings (because lets be real no one dreams of that part of pregnancy). 

Nine months later our beautiful baby girl was here, things seemed pretty smooth, a few issues, sleep deprived,  the new mom feelings and the hormonal craziness...but something was off, something was wrong with me. I was the D word... depressed....I hated that word, I hated myself for being "depressed" I was a christian, a mom, you can't be depressed. BUT I WAS.

The waves came and started crashing over me, one after another, they were hard, they stung, they were cold and scary:

first wave: you are a bad mom

second wave: why are you sad, some people can't have babies and you are complaining about yours

third wave: you will never be happy

fourth wave: you do not have what it takes

fifth wave: mom guilt for feeling this way

and they just keep coming, pretty soon it takes all of you under.

I lied, to myself, to my husband to my friends, that I wasn't depressed, that I wasn't sad.

 

About six months later, I finally opened up to my midwife. I cried, I let it all out, I was honest for the first time . And the funny thing was, for the first time in six months I felt like I could breath. I felt fresh air. She sat with me for 45 min just listening and hugging me. At that moment I knew one thing, If I want to be free of those feelings I can no longer hide them, I can no longer do this alone. We all become moms different ways, we all have our own stories, we all have waves that crash over us and take us out, but that is when you become brave, that is when you become strong, that is when you become the woman you were created to be, in those storms in those moments when you feel as though you will break, as if you will loose it all, drown, be swallowed up, YOU WON'T. 

We made a list of things for me to do, to help deal with the PPD. Simple yet powerful things that help, like take a walk (get out of the house) 

exercise (the endorphins help) 

go on a date night once every couple weeks or once a month

get a babysitter if you can and have a little alone time, go and browse Target and drink coffee, just be you, not a mom, YOU for at least an hour. 

I had to deal with those lies, those lies that like to creep their ugly head in and whisper or yell at you in the worst and most vulnerable times. The lies that we believe because its easy, it easier to believe you are failing than succeeding, its easier to give up than to fight. 

I read a blog, from a strong woman who is in her battles, in her fight, and she said 

"we are called to be warrior moms, to raise warrior kids, who turn into warrior adults, who can and will change the world" 

To all my mom friends, we are in this together, lets be warriors today. I know you are, I know everyday feels like a battle, but know you are not alone. We are all in this together. 

Nicole 

Raise 'Em Up

Being a parent is life’s greatest blessing, and also it’s biggest responsibility.  There is no instruction manual that we leave the hospital with; we are learning right along side our babies as we go.  At church on Mother’s Day, our Pastor led a special prayer for all of us moms.  I stood there with my husband’s hand on one of my legs, and one of my bestie’s hand on my other leg as they prayed over me.  It hit me so hard in that moment how big my responsibility actually is.  To teach my children right from wrong.  To raise them in the ways of the Lord.  To have patience on days when I want to rip my hair out and scream at the top of my lungs.  To be an example of the type of person I want my children to be.  To put my phone down and just be present.  To tell them always how important they are to me, but more importantly, in God’s eyes.  And when I hear my 2 year old daughter sing “Jesus Loves Me” while we are riding in the car, my heart smiles and all I can think to myself is just how right she is.

xo Jamie

Riding the "Mom" Waves; Foster Care, Miscarriage and Pesty Lice

My April was a mom's greatest blessing and worst nightmare. It's not common to say those 2 things together, but that is truly what it was. 

We started the first day of the month welcoming a 10 year old girl from foster care into our home. The conversation to become straight foster parents was something we thought we had put on the shelf until Angel (our daughter we adopted) was older and we had more parenting experience under our belt. This was thrown back on the table when we got a call about a 10 year girl we know in foster care who needed a family to live out her days in the system. 

We immediately knew we were suppose to pursue placement of her, since she already knew us and needed a safe place to live. Transitioning a new sibling into the home is ALWAYS a challenge. Even biological kids struggle, but the dynamics going into 2 broken & needy kids coming together is so beautiful and yet so tragic. Little did I know we would soon find out God's plan is that we would be broken together...

On top all of that in the first week of April I was late...you know the infamous, "Hmm...I'm feeling weird maybe I should take a pregnancy test." At first,  I didn't think anything of it. I have had infertility issues the past 1.5 years and we had just closed the door on any further treatments for it shortly before the call for out foster daughter .But to my surprise at 2am, after having to get up to go pee 3 times, I tested positive on a pregnancy test. I freaked out, flicked on the lights & gleefully bounced on my sleeping husband while throwing the pee-stick in his face. 

Our joy was short lived (5 days to be exact) when we got news of low HCG levels & then an all too familiar feeling late in the night/early in the morning. 

The month we stop getting treatments we get pregnant on our own and don't realize it, become foster parents and then...get this...get a plague of lice for weeks. I mean the day after I miscarry?!?

Surely this is not what I signed up for as a mom. I couldn't believe it! 

Sometimes being a mom can be overwhelming. There are days, months or years you just want to hide under the covers & never come out. Recently I read this book called Bittersweet. The author      Shauna  Niequest gives us some thought provoking advice in life. I think mom's can especially take a hold of this.

   "Every wave presents us with a choice to make, and quite often, I have stood both resolute & terrified, staring down a wave. I have been smacked straight on with the force of the water, tumbled, disoriented, gasping for breath...spit onto the shore...refusing to float on the surface & surrender to the 'sea.' More awareness of God's presence & action & ability less strangle hold on my fear & anxiety. More floating, and less getting tumbled." (Bittersweet) ‪

It's a life long learning process but I'm realizing I must learn this...it's the only way I will survive these types of seasons. Parenting is much more than raising kids, it's also about refining us too. 

Here's to a new month of choosing to surrender... 

Where'd that come from?

"Where'd that come from?"  It is a question I hear no less than 30 times a day during Sofia's waking hours.  When she asks, it may or may not be obvious about what she is inquiring.  She may or may not be pointing to the object in question.  The object may or may not be something she has seen before; often, it is. Frequently, the object is something about which that very question has already been asked - multiple times.  "Where'd that come from?"  "Where'd that come from?"  "Where'd that come from?"  It all makes me wonder sometimes, "where'd my sanity go?"

All joking aside, Sofia is a very curious child, and I adore that about her.  Curiosity is such a basic, intrinsic part of childhood, and one of the great joys of parenthood is watching your child discover the world through wide, bright eyes.  Sofia seems to exercise her curiosity to the extreme, and at times, it does wear on my patience.  Initially, after being asked and then answering "where'd that come from?" several times in a row about the very same item, I would just ignore the subsequent inquiries.  If ignoring a toddler during a tantrum is a good way to get the tantrum to stop, maybe the same would work for a toddler conducting a one-question interrogation?  No.  Funnily enough, that's not how it worked.  So instead of ignoring the question, if I heard it more than three times, I would answer her by turning the tables and asking her, "where'd that come from?"  More often than not, she would answer me, repeating back what I had just told her.  But it didn't stop her from asking again.

I came to realize that perhaps the question Sofia was asking wasn't really the one to which she wanted an answer, maybe not all of the time.  Sure, when we're in the car and she peers out the window and inquires about a bird, another vehicle, or a pedestrian, she likely wants to know where it came from, so I will answer accordingly.  But when we're in the grocery store and she points to a pomegranate or a spaghetti squash, something with which she is not familiar, rather than tell her where it came from, I will tell her what the item is.  Nine times out of ten, she will not again ask where that particular item came from - she has her answer.  For as many words as Sofia has in her vocabulary, she does not yet seem to be able to string together "what's that?"  Another reminder that this tiny little fireball really is still a little girl, albeit a precocious one.
 
Well-intentioned people always like to warn parents of toddlers to beware the whys, the neverending whys.  I myself have received my fair share of those warnings.  And when I hear one, I smile and nod politely, all the while welcoming that new challenge.  Why?  Because it is a rite of passage.  Because it will mark a new milestone in Sofia's life.  And - YES - because it'll give me a break from the wheres.  But mostly because it will offer me even more chances to teach my girl about the world, to help her to understand how things work, grow, play, interact, break, begin, end, to encourage her to think and wonder and question her surroundings, to brighten her beautiful brown eyes even more.  How could I grow tired of that?

Night and Nap Time Struggles

I'm going to go ahead and update this post before I even post it because, well, when i originally started this post to now his sleeping has changed even more! Update will be in blue.

It seems that Jases' good sleeping habits have changed since he turned TWO. He used to sleep 12 hours at night and take a 2-3 hour nap during the day. Lately he has been waking one to two times a night and wanting to sleep longer during the day. I can only assume he wants a longer nap from waking at night.

When he wakes at night he always goes right back to sleep, it's like he just wants us in the room. I've talked to his doctor about this and she mentioned that at this age they are realizing they're alone when they wake. I was concerned because Jase waking is nothing new, really, but months ago he would just put himself back to sleep with out needing us. This is definitely not the case today.

So, my husband and I have discussed what we want to do to try and help him sleep. Here are our options:

Take his nap during the day away or change how we get him back to sleep at night. There are pros and cons to both options. I'm scared to take a nap away in fear I will have a really demanding and cranky child on my hands. Not to mention that fact that any alone time I had to be productive during the day goes out the window. A pro would be that hopefully he would go back to sleeping,longer stretches and maybe I could afford to stay up later and do what I need to.

If we did the other I fear that we all will be losing more sleep and this will make the days hard as well because Jase will want to nap longer and I'll be waking him. But we could also figure it out quick what gets him to sleep and how to get him there with minimal crying to teach him to go to sleep on his own if he happens to wake.

Jase finally had one molar pop through and slept two nights in a row. I think it's safe to say that it was his teeth all this time keeping him up. At his to year appointment the doctor said they were probably moving a lot when I mentioned he had been tugging on his ears and not sleeping well, but nothing was pooping through so I had moved on to it being just a sleep issue. I was also going along with the fact that he was generally in a good mood. 

After two nights of good sleep he was starting to work on a second molar. That night he slept terrible again. So I think we'll be losing a little more sleep until he finishes getting all of them in. I think my husband and I will both be happy when he is done teething! Two more teeth! Woohoo! 

Even though I think we've narrowed down why Jase is waking which helps us deal with it the best we can, I'd still like some tips/tricks on sleeping that you have done that work! So lay them on me!

<3 Lindsey

The Selfish No Screen Time Mom

I've been a mom for two years now and the one thing I've never gotten into is television shows for kids. I'm judged by a lot of parents because of this. I understand. it's simply not normal to have a toddler these days and not put the TV or iPad on for them daily or every few days. My son Amani doesn't own a piece of technology yet and we don't even have cable.
I know I'm probably one of few moms thats like this. So I've been asked "what do you do all day with him?" "Don't you get tempted?" Or just simply "why?" (This question usually comes with a side eye or very confused look)

Let me clarify that the reason I don't have Amani watching TV or playing with an IPad isn't because of some strange conspiracy about what technology does to children. It's not about thinking I'm a better mom than those who do allow it either and it's not that I'm not tempted to let him. It's just a personal preference with personal reasons behind it.

First, I tried it. I would let him play around with my phone for a while and downloaded some games that were supposed to be educational for him. Just like any other kid, he loved it. He wanted to play with it for a very long period and as a first time mom i thought "hey whatever
Keeps him happy". Well, at the end of the day I felt strange. I felt as though I didn't really spend time with him. I felt like I missed out on him as a whole and he missed out on me. We usually have great conversations together, he loves to play with his mommy and I felt like the phone was taking over that feeling I got when he discovered something new through play and I'm right there to witness it and witness him learning about the real world. That's when I decided that it wasn't for me.
So, what do we do all day instead?
Here's a short list
-Read Read Read
-piggy back back rides
-build forts with sheets
-paint
-learn something new everyday
-sing songs
-make up songs
-dance til were exhausted
-now that it's warming up (kind of) we play outside
-work on projects
-clean up
-imagination games
Most of the day is spent just chatting with one another. Even if I have no clue what he's saying.

 Now, I know the importance of technology for now and future generations so I'm by no means anti technology lol (I love my iPhone haha) I don't want him to grow up technologically illiterate so I do allow him every now and then to mess around with the phones and what not. He's great at using them. Eventually he will have his own iPad and phone and he will want nothing to do with having these fun moments with me and his daddy and his brother. It sounds a little selfish, I know. It is.

So for now, while he still thinks Were the coolest, funnest, funniest people on the planet I want to enjoy every bit of him.

 I want his eyes focused not on a screen but what's around him instead. Whether it's Just me and him. Or his daddy and him. Or his cousins, his aunts and uncles and him.

I want to be his teacher, his friend, and I want him to indulge himself into learning and discovering the physical world around him for now.

I want him to prefer to interact with his little brother and build a bond with him instead of just the cute silly characters he sees on the screen.

I want him to learn naturally how to contain himself while we're out in public without having to sacrifice him not mentally being where we are because he's so focused on something else.

I realize that all of these things I mentioned can probably be done simultaneously,  that is why I began by saying it's just a personal preference for us as a family. It has been working great for us. One thing I always say to other moms is "Do what works for you and YOUR family not what the next Mom is doing".

We all don't have to be parenting the same way in order to be raising our children right. :)

Laundry: the struggle is real

This post seems fitting right now as we just got done hosting family for Jases' Birthday and Easter. Special announcement before I go any further: Thank you family for making Jases birthday so special, please know this post has nothing to do with you and everything to do with my hate for laundry ;-).

OK, back to the post!

I'm sure anyone can relate to having mounds of laundry to do after having house guests. I LOVE hosting people and having people visit, it's one of my favorite things to do, but doing laundry is my LEAST favorite chore when everyone is gone! My husband always laughs at me because he thinks its the easiest chore.

My husbands point is, is that you load the clothes and the washing machine does the rest, switch the clothes and the dryer does the rest. Then all you have to do is put everything away. I understand this and it all sounds great and easy, until I actually have to do it.

How I see doing laundry is this way: Put clothes in the washer, wait forget about clothes or forget long enough that now a simple chore will take me much longer. This is my main problem with laundry that causes all my other issues. I can't start the laundry and finish the chore right away, therefore I usually get side tracked and forget. What this causes is a million couple loads of laundry to take all day and at the end of that day I still have to fold and put away. Which lets face it is the WORST part!

This chore has seriously been my enemy since I was little. Seriously, I would choose cleaning the bathrooms (I shared with two older brothers, mind you) over laundry any day! This chore exhausts me just thinking about it. Maybe a little dramatic, but it's the truth!

So, what are you laundry tips? How do you make it more enjoyable? How do you stay on track and get it done in a timely fashion?

<3 Lindsey

Sous Chef Sofia

For as long as I can remember, I have always had a love affair with food.  Eating it, preparing it, talking about it, reading about it...even daydreaming about it. 

When I was young, I would delight in having the opportunity to assist my parents in the kitchen, and some of my earliest memories are of standing by their sides just waiting for the chance to "help."  Gradually, I was able to assume more responsibility as I demonstrated my aptitude, and eventually I was able to take over the Saturday morning ritual of making pancakes for breakfast.  When I got a bit older, I would ride my bike to the library and borrow Cooking with Regis and Kathie Lee, a tome which guided me through my first solo adventures in the sweet (fudge) and savory (baked beans).  As I accumulated more knowledge and experience, so too did my confidence grow, and by the time I was a freshman in high school, I was making apple pies from scratch; any baker will tell you toiling with pie crust dough is not for the faint of heart, but I mastered it and enjoyed it.  Being adept in the kitchen wasn't just a matter of practicality as far as I was concerned, but it was also one of creativity and passion.  In my family, food was undoubtedly love, just as it is in so many other families.  For me, it became something more.  Food was science.  Food was art.  Food was fun.

Fast forward to life as a stay-at-home mom.  These days, it is very easy to allow food to become just another chore.  Amidst diaper changes, temper tantrums, playground visits, books, rounds of hide and seek, naps, and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, often food is reduced to just a matter of sustenance, not one of creativity or enjoyment.  Meal preparation usually takes three to four times longer than it normally would because there is a tiny little human demanding my attention.  Peruse, if you will, the following exchange; something like this can be heard each and every morning between the hours of 6 a.m. and 8 a.m. in our house:

     Sofia:  "Baby hungry."
     Me:  "Okay, honey.  What would you like to eat?"
     Sofia:  "Mommy hold you."
     Me:  "Okay, honey.  But aren't you hungry?"
     Sofia:  "No.  Mommy hold you."
     Me:  "Okay."
     Sofia:  (after being picked up)  "Baby hungry."
     Me:  "Okay, honey.  What would you like to eat?"
     Sofia:  "Baby want pancake."
     Me:  "Okay, honey.  But to make pancakes, Mommy has to set you down."
     Sofia:  "Noooooo!"
     Me:  "Okay.  What would you like to eat instead of a pancake?"
     Sofia:  "Baby want pancake."
     Me:  "Mommy can make pancakes for you, but I have to set you down.  I need to use   
             both hands to make the pancakes."
     Sofia:  "Noooooo!"
    
Well, you get the idea.  The exchange could go on indefinitely.  How to save my sanity?  Make the toddler my sous chef!

As sous chef de cuisine in my kitchen, Sofia's job duties consist of dumping and stirring.  For pancakes, she will dump the ingredients into the bowl after I have measured them out and then will stir them as she sits on the kitchen floor, bowl cradled on her lap.  For guacamole, she will dump the ingredients into the bowl after I have chopped them and then will mix them.  For anything, she is always available for taste-testing, just like her daddy.

Sure, this new approach is even more time-consuming and labor intensive than just breaking every couple of minutes to attempt to distract/occupy/pacify/amuse Sofia while preparing a meal on my own, but where is the fun in that?  With my sous chef by my side, I can usually make dinner with very little frustration and no tears - two ingredients that really aren't called for in any of my recipes.  The relationship I am cultivating with her in the kitchen reminds me of my own childhood and makes me hopeful that Sofia will grow up with an appreciation for cooking and creativity, too.  Seeing the pride on her face as she "helps" is such a reward, and hearing her tell her daddy how she contributed to the meal ("Daddy, I dumped the onions!  I stirred soup!") is just darling.  And aside from all of these wonderful perks is one that I couldn't have anticipated.  Because she is often involved in meal preparation, Sofia already seems to have some investment in eating beyond her usual interest; she has some ownership in the meal, and with that ownership comes a willingness to eat things she might normally refuse.  Win-win!

I'm already looking forward to taking her to the library to borrow her first cookbook.  And you better believe it'll be one with a fudge recipe in it.

Rethinking Time-Out: Teaching Children to Repair Mistakes

Sometimes children hit a certain age, growth spurt in their brain, or just have strong personalities.
I have found myself in the place where I have needed to go back to what I learned and understood to be the best way to help my child. Not what's convenient, but makes lasting change.

Every child is different, I know this. I know for mine, and maybe some of you, my child does not do well with isolation or punitive forms of correction. Going into parenting our daughter, we knew this would be the case. Not just because we knew her personality ahead of time, but also because we were bringing a child into our family from a hard place. She knows all too well the feeling of isolation, abandonment and fear.

With this in mind, we had to learn that the typical way of correcting her was not going to work as well. For this reason we chose to take typical parenting tool and view it in a different light. This was the tool of time-outs. We chose to instead try a thing called a "time-in." Some of you may have a modified version of this already!

A time-in was coined by a developmental psychologist from TCU named Dr. Karen Purvis. She shares in her research that children who struggle with being able to connect or have experienced high punishment/isolation need a form of correction that is attachment rich and trauma sensitive. It is basically saying, "I can correct my child, but still stay connected to them as a parent. I do not have to disconnect to discipline my child"

Instead of sending them away in isolation you have them sit at a "think it over" spot where they are in your sight and let them calm down. That may be on the couch, in a special chair or in their room with the door open. Then, with whatever words they can process based on age and development, you explain what they did wrong and how they can do it right.

Not only is this attachment rich parenting, but it is problem solving for the future. In a traditional time-out you aren't usually able to engage in much of this. The end of the "time-in' includes something unique called a "re-do." After you explain, or if older and they respond back, how they could have done it different, you take them back to the place they had the behavior and have them role play doing it over, the correct way. Dr. Purvis calls this, "the good stuff" because it's where the child's brain starts to learn muscle memory. After doing this hundreds (yes moms, this isn't a quick fix) children's brains start to make new connections and you eventually see a new habit formed.

It is something we have found helpful. What are some of your versions of steps in a modified "time-in"?

Here is a great video clip you can view explaining in more detail this IDEAL response.

New Everyday Cups

So this isn't really a "mom" post, well is sort of is, but not completely! Irregardless, I need your help and input!

By the time Scott and I got married we had lived together for a couple years and therefore didn't register for everyday glassware. We had enough cups and they worked for the time being. We both felt that new plates and wine glasses, amounts other things, were more important at the time. Well two houses later and a kid, we needed new glassware. I went to target last year to just get a pack of basic cups for an affordable price. I found some I liked and they have done well, but a few have broken along the way. I've decided it's time to invest in some nicer everyday glass cups. Here's my dilemma... I have no idea what a good brand is and I don't want to spend a ton of money, but would still like to get something that will last a while.

Here is what we have now:

Here is our everyday places setting too:

Now I'm looking for your opinions! Help a girl out! 

<3 Lindsey

Three Little Words

In her almost 23 months of life, Sofia has hit many of the much-celebrated milestones (and plenty of the dreaded ones, too) that most soon-to-be two year-olds do.  She smiled and laughed at the funny faces her daddy and I made at her while she lounged in her bouncer.  She rolled over after innumberable demonstrations by yours truly.  Without assistance, she sat and balanced that extra-large pumpkin head of hers the day before she turned five months old.  She ate solid foods and showed an early preference for sweets.  Shortly thereafter, she developed hives and was diagnosed with four food allergies; she has since outgrown three.  She scooted all over the house on her booty, defiantly refusing to crawl until a little less than two months before she started to walk.  She slept through the night a whole 11 times.  11.  She made friends.  She took her first plane ride, first swam in a pool, and met Mickey Mouse - all in one week!  She reluctantly dipped her toes in the Atlantic Ocean.  She bravely extended her chubby little hand to pet the most ferocious house cat known to man.  She played in the snow.  She drew with crayons.  She ate crayons.  She fell in love with Elmo.  She made animal noises.  She visited the Emergency Room.  She talked.  She talked and talked and talked, then she talked some more.  She talked nonstop.  She's still talking.

It comes as no surprise to me, nor should it to anyone who knows me, that I have quite a verbose, expressive child.  Before Sofia spoke her first official word (kitty, of course), she had been communicating with us with varying degrees of effectiveness, and her frustration showed.  Mine did, as well.  I was certain that once she started to speak, our communication would improve immensely.  And it did.  Very rarely did we have to wonder what she wanted - usually snacks - or what was bothering her - usually a lack of snacks.

More rapidly than I expected, Sofia's vocabulary began to expand.  She mastered animals and their sounds.  She learned the names of her favorite foods ("hummy" for hummus remains my favorite).  She rattled off body parts.  She recited the names of our family members.  Clothes, Disney characters, vegetables, insects - no problem.  She not only knew how to say so many words, but she knew how to use them correctly.  Her mastery left me in wonderment at how powerful and efficient her little mind was.  At one point, it seemed as if she was adding 2-3 words a day to her vocabulary, sometimes even words that we didn't actively try to teach her.  It was evident that she was paying very close attention to what we were saying whether or not we were talking to her.  So when, I wondered, would she start to say those three little words which I had so gently whispered to her multiple times a day even since before she was born?

Part of our bedtime routine is saying goodnight to Daddy.  Daddy tells Sofia, "I love you, Baby."  Sofia responds, "Wuv."  It's absolutely adorable, and I love getting to witness it every night.  Still, hearing this night after night for months on end did nothing to quench the thirst to hear that word directed to me.  Mommy.  Giver of life.  Nurturer.  Milk maid.  Nurse.  Short order cook.  Taxi driver.  Social secretary.  Personal shopper.  Court jester.  Personal assistant.  Mommy.  When would she tell me she loved me?

As Sofia began stringing several words together into sentences, she became a little narrator of sorts.  "Mommy almost done shower."  "Kitty Rufus poopy floor."  "Baby hungry."  "Where Daddy go?"  "Big boy shoveling [snow]."  "Mommy car driving."  The list goes on and on.  If it's happening within our vicinity, I will hear about it, even if I'm the one doing it.  Sometimes, it's as if she gets caught in a loop, and she'll repeat the same darn thing upwards of ten times; she really spares no expense when it comes to getting her point across.  The mundane little details warrant just as much attention as do the big ones. 

The other day, we were driving home from a play date at a friend's house.  Sofia usually uses this opportunity to point out each passing vehicle and ask me where it's going, and this day was no exception.  As we pulled into our development, she victoriously shouted, "We're home!"  I navigated the car into our parking spot, put the car in park, took the keys from the ignition, and braced myself for the long walk into our building in the snow.  Out of the blue, my little narrator announced, "I love you, Mommy."  And just like that, I was prouder than words could describe.

Toddler Tantrums

Bless the sweet middle-aged lady in the grocery who saw my exasperated look while my little girl screamed at the top of her lungs in the middle of a tantrum.  This lady told me to take a deep breath and it will be ok.  She looked at me with understanding, a look that only another mother could give.  She'd been there.  She likely missed those days now that her kid(s) were probably grown and on their own.  I will too, one day.  But for now, days pass and all I feel like I do is go in circles and discipline her nonstop, and when naptimes and bedtimes are my time to recharge and recover.

I am a first time mom, but I do have younger siblings and have done quite a bit of nannying in the past.  I have always said I would never be one of those parents who counts to three (and then does nothing), gives "empty threats" or doesn't follow through with consequences.  I just don't think it's effective.  Don't get me wrong, there is a lot to be said for picking your battles.  And lately I've been a little lot more selective...I can't drink wine every night!  :)  

There are several techniques that I use to discipline Ellie.  In no particular order...

• Firm voice saying "NO" and telling her "if you do that again (or if you don't stop __________), I will ________________."
• Following through with above warning if it happens again.
• One warning on bad behavior and straight to time-out.  "You are in time-out because you didn't listen/hit mommy in the face/hit yourself in the face" (we have a hitting problem right now!)
• Ignoring the behavior (such as screaming or other "unpleasant" behavior but not necessarily "bad" behavior)
• Mommy time-outs.  Very necessary when I feel myself losing my patience/temper.  

As much as these tantrums and testing boundaries sure test my sanity, I really do believe that one day I'll miss these days.  I'll miss the cuddles at night as I rock her to sleep and silently wonder how I could have ever possibly been frustrated or upset with her earlier that day.  

I hope that I will be like the lady in the grocery store-tomorrow or in the years to come.  Someone who gives an understanding look or words of encouragement to a mother who is on the verge of having a meltdown themselves.  I hope that we (all of us moms) don't judge the other mom in the store who has a kid that is screaming their head off.  Give that Mama a tender look, a smile; remind her that she isn't alone.  Trust me, it goes a long way.

xo Jamie

DIY Spring Banner

Today I though'd I share a simple tutorial for making an inexpensive/easy banner. With it now being Spring (in some parts of the good ol' USA) I thought I'd share the banner I made to add a little spring cheer to our fireplace!

What you need:

• 12x12 Scrapbook Paper (the amount you need will depend on the length of your banner and how much variation you want in pattern).
• Ruler
• Pencil
• Double sided tape (I like the dispenser type you can find in the scrapbooking section of a store)
• scissors  
• String or twine

Instructions: 

1. Lay a piece of scrapbook paper out.
   
2. Fold in half.
   
3. Measure to the center with a ruler and mark with pencil and then cut in half.
   
4. Cut this half in half again (you should end up with four squares from one piece of paper).
   
5. Fold each smaller square into triangles. If you end up with over lap just trim off. 
   
   
   
6. Put your choice of string or twine in the fold and use double sided tape to seal. 
7. When you've added the desired amount of triangles (based on where you want to hang) cute string and hang!
   

I also did this for Jases first birthday party to add some colorful decor! It's super easy, fast and in expensive way to add color and design to your home or even a party you're hosting! 

Below are pictures from Jases birthday party. With these, I wanted the triangles bigger so I just folded the 12x12 pieces into triangles! 

<3 Lindsey

Friends or frenemies?

This is not a mommy topic this week, but it's something I've really been struggling with and hopefully one of you can give me some advice....

My husband has this groups of guys he's been friends with since junior high. They're all married and all have kids. The wives and I have become friends as we've all come into the "group", some of us closer than others but still all friends. One of the wives in particular had a very strong personality and is very opinionated, making it difficult to be close to her. She also is a huge gossip and we all know she talks about each of us to the other girls. 

Now all of this being said, she's a nice girl and she had a rough early life so I've really tried to befriend her and hang out with her as much as possible. I've talked about her in previous posts...she stayed home with her son and I went back to work when our babies were born and I always felt like she was mad at me for never hanging out. Last summer when I was going through my miscarriage, she was being particularly needy and kept hounding me to hang out. I finally told her what was going on, really just to make her realize the world doesn't revolve around her, and all I got was a "sorry" and "you seem like you don't want to be friends, I'll wait for you to come to me". 

Some friend right? The other night I found out that she talked about personal things I've shared with her to someone I don't even really know!! My dilemma is this....do I confront her about the newest situation? Do I be a grown up and let it go? Should unjust slowly remove myself and my family from her life?? Our husbands are friends, is this going to cause a problem between them? Someone help me!! 

Cultivating Character

Jase and I finally made it back to our Mom to Mom group last week and I'm so glad we were able to make it. Not only was it great to get out of the house and have a much needed break from Jase some adult interaction, but I always leave there refreshed with some goals to make be a better mom and wife. Last week we talked about Cultivating Character in our little ones and in us. I will apologize in advance as I really should have taken my book home, but I am writing off mostly memory and what I most got out of the discussion.

We all want our children to have character, to be their own person and be a good person, right? Daily, I know I'm trying my best to show Jase the "right" way to do things, how to be nice, how to be gentle and kind, but if I'm honest, I know I mess up on the daily. There are days I loose my temper to easily or I rush through a task to move onto the next, basically doing the things I don't want Jase to do or mimic.

Key points I took from the session were these:

• Character is who you are when no one's looking.
• Character is catching. What does Jase learn from watching me?
• Key to building character is modeling it. 
• I need to model my need for God's mercy, grace and forgiveness.

The truth is, no one is perfect. The awesome thing is our children are little sponges and we can help mold them with the help of God's grace. I left Thursday morning feeling like it was exactly what I needed to hear. After Jase and I had been sick on and off for a month we were both at our worst and exhausted. I felt myself short tempered with him and most likely showing him poor character at times. What I can teach him now is God's grace is good and I am also still a work in progress. Everyday is a new one for me to be better than the day before, to be more kind, more patient and more willing to slow down a bit.

<3 Lindsey

Toddlers can be fun....right?

I know everyone complains about the "terrible twos", but I am really enjoying my daughter right now! She's developed this fun, sassy little personality and she knows exactly what she wants! She's so aware of everything and everyone and definitely knows how to work people to get what she wants ;) I can't believe in just 5 months she'll be two!!! Holy cow, time flies by...

All that being said, she's picked up on a few quirks that are in one word....annoying. I know that sounds awful but she just has these little things that just get under my skin! Lately if you don't answer her the first time she says your name, she keeps repeating it louder and louder until you acknowledge her. 

She also has just started randomly screaming if things don't go her way! Her favorite movie, like most kids right now, is Frozen. When that movie is over, she breaks down crying and screaming....who is this child?!! It's a movie for Pete's sake, not the end of the world! Please tell me I'm not alone in this! There have got to be some funny(and sometimes annoying) quirks that your toddler has started doing. And even if there isn't, make something up to make me feel better ;) 

Even though she has some rough phases we're going through, this has been my favorite age so far. She loves to be outside, sees a dandelion and blows her wishes away, LOVES babies and kids of all ages, and gives the best hugs. She's learned what ouchies are and knows she gets extra hugs and kisses when she gets one...which sometimes leads to fake injuries. :) I love, love, love my little toddler, and hope you are all having just as much "fun" as I am!